Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
