so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
