so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
