Just fell off a train. Bad.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
