after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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