You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
