My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
