if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
