You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
