why didn't you poke me back
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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