I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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