I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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