I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
