I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need moral support for this bender
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
