there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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