I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
