Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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