Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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