hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
