i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
