how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
