i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
