he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
