Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
