I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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