It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
