im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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