did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
