he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
