so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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