People in love make me want to vomit
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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