he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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