I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
