You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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