five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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