My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
