don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
