why im i the only drunk person in the library?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
