I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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