Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
