Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You ruined the universe
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
