True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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