I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
