Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
