he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
