How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
