i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
