It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
