we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
