Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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