It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
