he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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